E eis a minha resposta pro André:
Bom, sim, realmente faz a gente pensar em muitas coisas... mas eu fico incomodada com essa tal de "meant to be". Será que tem alguma coisa nesse mundo que é realmente meant to be?? Ou será que a gente usa isso como um alívio para quando as coisas vão pra merda de vez?? [como você pode ver, eu não to nada zen... hehehe]
É aquela velha questão de se existe destino ou não.
Se o destino existe, então nós podemos ficar relaxados porque não importa quanta besteira nós fazemos, essa força maior vai dar um jeitinho de nos guiar pro lado certo... e aí não tem problema nenhum ser desapegado, porque seguindo esse pensamento, todas as pessoas com quem você se relaciona são meras distrações enquanto o seu "chosen one" não aparece no cavalo branco... ou no audi preto pra fazer uma comparação mais update.
Eu acho esse tipo de pensamento meio simplista demais. É ótimo pra tirar a responsabilidade das nossas mãos pelas nossas próprias escolhas e, oh boy!, como eu gostaria que fosse simples assim! Mas acho que é realmente fácil demais pra ser verdade, sabe?
Aí resta a outra opção... aquela em que você tem que fazer o mea culpa, porque depende única e exclusivamente de você correr atrás do que quer, as glórias são todas suas e as decepções também.
É um jeito bem menos otimista de enxergar a vida e, me parece, bem mais realista também.
Talvez o que exista mesmo seja um meio-termo... [sou fã declarada deles, embora raramente consiga fazer um!] Talvez seja aquela história de "dar uma mãozinha pro destino", ou seja, a chance tá ali, te esperando, mas se você não mexer a bunda gorda [calma, to falando da minha] e ir pegar, a chance vai passar e adios!
Pensando nisso eu fico vendo os casais que dão "certo". Esses dias visitei uma tia e perguntei como ela tinha decidido casar com o marido dela. Depois que meus pais se divorciaram, a minha referência de casal que funciona ficou bem restrita a essa minha tia... Ela me disse que depois de muitas idas e vindas [eles são namorados desde a adolescência!], um belo dia ela estava namorando um cara, ele estava namorando outra também; aí de repente, não mais que de repente, ela se tocou: "Meu deus, que que eu to fazendo com esse cara? Não é ele quem eu quero pra mim!" Terminou tudo e avisou o atual marido que tinha terminado. Chegou na cara dura mesmo e disse: "Eu terminei. E você? Vai continuar namorando?"
[Intimada boa, não?]
Ele terminou o namoro também pra voltar pra ela e no primeiro encontro deles, ela virou muito séria e disse que só ia voltar se eles casassem. Não foi o tipo de coisa pra prender ele, entende? Ela simplesmente disse que namoro era uma coisa que se fazia pra conhecer uma pessoa e ver se eles se davam bem; eles já não tinham mais onde se conhecer, então ou era assumir a próxima etapa ou era largar mão de vez. Em menos de 6 meses eles estavam casados.
Vendo os dois juntos hoje, mais de 15 anos depois, eu percebo que não poderia haver um par melhor um pro outro. Mas será que foi o destino que uniu os dois? Ou será que eles não trabalham diariamente em convivência?
Eu cada vez mais acredito que o máximo que a gente pode fazer é procurar alguém por quem a gente esteja disposto a abrir mão de várias partes do que você é e a partir daí, lutar [é, lutar mesmo!] para que dê certo, dia após dia.
É uma luta ingrata, não tem fim e não tem descanso. Mas começo a achar que é o único jeito. E aí, meu querido, a questão começa a ser não esperar o princípe encantado te achar, mas você se achar pra poder olhar em volta e perceber que o que existe por aí é só um bando de sapo, mas que você também não é lá essas coisas...
A questão toda é se conhecer o suficiente pra saber até onde você está disposto a ir [tem que ter um limite muito bem definido aqui!] e procurar alguém que aceite os seus limites e que te provoque a quebrá-los também.
Só não podemos deixar de pensar que essas ruas são sempre de mão dupla...
É, acho que depois de escrever isso tudo eu vou ler também. hehehe To precisando fazer as coisas que eu digo.
segunda-feira, 17 de agosto de 2009
Desapego - será mesmo?
O André, sofrendo de um coração partido, entrou numa onda zen que, cá entre nós, não combina muito com ele!
Ele me mandou um email com um texto que, segundo ele, ajudou muito na recuperação da recém adquirida solteirice. O texto me fez parar pra pensar e quando respondi o email do André, ele sugeriu que eu postasse tudinho aqui. Pois vamos lá!
O texto é em inglês e não vai dar pra traduzir por falta de tempo... se um dia desses sobrar um tempinho, juro que posto a versão brasiliana da coisa.
"LET GO OF IT!
One of the hardest things for any person, man or woman, is letting go of a relationship that’s not meant to be. We are often attached to the illusion that this person is “the One” for us, and that if we don’t have him or her, we’ll never find somebody new.
Holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness, we convince ourselves that “all men are jerks” or “all women are bitches.”
If you’ve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of resentment against your partner or against the opposite sex, now is NOT the time to start dating again. Your anger and bitterness will poison even the most loving relationship.
When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives – our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.
Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, or in bad relationships we’ve had in the past. We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.
Some of the practices you need to cultivate in order to heal yourself are:
• Radical Personal Responsibility: Take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much. Stop blaming your partner. Own your feelings, so you can change them.
• Self-Awareness: Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into relationships with abusive people, or become abusive yourself? Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your patterns, and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them.
• Acceptance: Accept yourself and your partner the way you are. Accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didn’t work because it was not your highest and best.
• Forgiveness: Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive others for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.
• Gratitude: Be grateful that you’re out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs. Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned from your partner.
• Compassion: Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and you’ll become less judgmental.
• Detachment: Learn to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things and situations.
• Independence: Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself. Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship.
• Optimism: Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. An optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, can help you bounce back from your loss. Have faith that the best is yet to come.
It takes a lot of tears, hard work, and introspection to break the chains of the past. But it's worth every moment! The feeling of freedom and contentment that you experience is just awesome.
Getting rid of your anger and hurt will help you stop blaming others for your pain, and allowed you to see your former partner as they really are – a wonderful, sensitive human being with the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as you.
It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.
No time spent in a relationship is ever wasted. Ever experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. So stop beating yourself up over all the years you “wasted” with that “loser.”
If it didn't work, it was probably not meant to be. You can’t force someone to love you, just as you can’t force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally, when it feels right for both people.
Contrary to popular opinion (and sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If you’re in pain, what you’re experiencing is not love, but attachment or codependence. Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.
It’s best to let go of a relationship that’s causing too much pain. Instead of wallowing in the past and writing your own sad love song, do your inner work, get rid of the anger and disappointment and get on with your life.
Let go of your partner with love, so you can move past your hurt and learn to love again."
(desconheço o autor...)
TÁ, E DAÍ??!
Bom, o texto me fez pensar muito sobre o que ele chama de "meant to be"... traduzindo bem ao pé da letra, seria algo como "feito pra ser", ou seja, algo ou melhor, alguém, destinado para ser seu e de mais ninguém. Mas será que essa coisa de destino existe ou será que é só um jeito da gente se livrar da responsabilidade?
Pensem nisso...
Ele me mandou um email com um texto que, segundo ele, ajudou muito na recuperação da recém adquirida solteirice. O texto me fez parar pra pensar e quando respondi o email do André, ele sugeriu que eu postasse tudinho aqui. Pois vamos lá!
O texto é em inglês e não vai dar pra traduzir por falta de tempo... se um dia desses sobrar um tempinho, juro que posto a versão brasiliana da coisa.
"LET GO OF IT!
One of the hardest things for any person, man or woman, is letting go of a relationship that’s not meant to be. We are often attached to the illusion that this person is “the One” for us, and that if we don’t have him or her, we’ll never find somebody new.
Holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness, we convince ourselves that “all men are jerks” or “all women are bitches.”
If you’ve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of resentment against your partner or against the opposite sex, now is NOT the time to start dating again. Your anger and bitterness will poison even the most loving relationship.
When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives – our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.
Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, or in bad relationships we’ve had in the past. We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.
Some of the practices you need to cultivate in order to heal yourself are:
• Radical Personal Responsibility: Take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much. Stop blaming your partner. Own your feelings, so you can change them.
• Self-Awareness: Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into relationships with abusive people, or become abusive yourself? Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your patterns, and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them.
• Acceptance: Accept yourself and your partner the way you are. Accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didn’t work because it was not your highest and best.
• Forgiveness: Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive others for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.
• Gratitude: Be grateful that you’re out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs. Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned from your partner.
• Compassion: Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and you’ll become less judgmental.
• Detachment: Learn to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things and situations.
• Independence: Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself. Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship.
• Optimism: Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. An optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, can help you bounce back from your loss. Have faith that the best is yet to come.
It takes a lot of tears, hard work, and introspection to break the chains of the past. But it's worth every moment! The feeling of freedom and contentment that you experience is just awesome.
Getting rid of your anger and hurt will help you stop blaming others for your pain, and allowed you to see your former partner as they really are – a wonderful, sensitive human being with the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as you.
It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.
No time spent in a relationship is ever wasted. Ever experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. So stop beating yourself up over all the years you “wasted” with that “loser.”
If it didn't work, it was probably not meant to be. You can’t force someone to love you, just as you can’t force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally, when it feels right for both people.
Contrary to popular opinion (and sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If you’re in pain, what you’re experiencing is not love, but attachment or codependence. Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.
It’s best to let go of a relationship that’s causing too much pain. Instead of wallowing in the past and writing your own sad love song, do your inner work, get rid of the anger and disappointment and get on with your life.
Let go of your partner with love, so you can move past your hurt and learn to love again."
(desconheço o autor...)
TÁ, E DAÍ??!
Bom, o texto me fez pensar muito sobre o que ele chama de "meant to be"... traduzindo bem ao pé da letra, seria algo como "feito pra ser", ou seja, algo ou melhor, alguém, destinado para ser seu e de mais ninguém. Mas será que essa coisa de destino existe ou será que é só um jeito da gente se livrar da responsabilidade?
Pensem nisso...
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